I have become delusional. I have lost my mind and the day is starting to blur into the night. Is it because of her? For gods sake don’t bring her into this mess, she has enough of her own. I’ve fallen off the yellow brick road. When too much red is mixed with green it did always become a type of brown. I shouldn’t be surprised at this result. What I should be surprised at is how much I’m enjoying it, although I know very well that this is not sustainable for too much longer. I’ve had my fun and now it’s time to regain my consciousness and be born as a new me into this old world.
Something old and something new, something to hang on to, something to look forward to, something red something blue, there’s just something about me and you that rings so true.
These are strange times for me, I’m as happy as I’ve ever been, but taking care of myself as little as ever. I feel as if I’m still on-track, I don’t know what for exactly? Maybe the direction of the track has shifted just slightly but I’m still moving forward, I do know that.
I’ve felt more human lately, I’ve wanted to connect with the culture that I am fortune to be apart of and by that I mean my Aboriginal background. I’ve gone too long in life without acknowledging this properly but I am aboriginal and I do have a connection to the land we live on (I don’t know how much I actually believe all this if I’m being honest, it sounds as silly as saying “I’m destined for it!” Saying I have a connection to land and I’m destined for something almost contradict each other anyway. A white man could say he is destined for this land while I say I’ve always had a connection to it, how does one outweigh the other? It doesn’t.)
I attended a session recently where a man named Jack Buckskin shared his story and he talked about his journey to learn the language of his people and has now become the most fluent in his language in the world. Something about that inspires me because he is only in his mid 30s and he wasn’t born with the language, he learnt it during his teenage years. I don’t know what appeals to me about it? It could be a competitive thing and I want to be the most fluent speaker ever! However, as competitive as I am I think it’s more than that. The aboriginal language, especially Tasmanian Aboriginal is at risk of extinction and without people like Jack willing to learn the language and revitalise the culture, we may lose it forever, we may already have.
I don’t know how many people there are out there actively trying to learn the lost languages of our people, I’d like to think there are some, I’d like to connect with them and discuss where we are at, where do we go and how do we get there.
Who knows how long this will take but I think I’ve thought about it enough that it will happen, I just don’t know when.